KFA - Krishnamurti Foundation of America

sds wrote:

I am in a strange situation.

There is this young, gay guy who is staying in the community I live with his Grandma and Dad for awhile.

I wasnt sure he was gay at first and did not try to judge him, but found out indeed that he is.

The fact that he is gay does not bother me or change my relationship, friendship with him.

However, he is coming onto me almost daily and making references to having sex with him.

I told him I am not interested and only like women.

I am flattered that he even wants to do anything with me, for I do not think of myself as good looking.

Anyways, I am trying to be a good, decent fellow and still have a relationship, friendship with him and not focus on the gay part.

But every night he is still flirting with me and trying to get me to do something with him.

Any advice? What would K do?

I did just read in Michael Krohnens Kitchen Chronicles that a young man went up to K at a beach in California and asked to walk with K. And K let him, and then he asked if he could hold hands with K and K let him. And then he asked if he could kiss K and K let him, and the guy kissed him on the cheek. And that is all K shared about this particular story. The listeners were expecting the guy to want more from K and that he was gay, but that was the whole story. And it is kinda similar to what I am experiencing with this guy.

You might not want to hear this but...I don't think he would continue to come on to you if he didn't think he had a chance.  But if you truly don't want him doing that, you need to be true to how you feel about it and handle it in a way that he will have no doubts about whether what he is doing is acceptable. But I am not convinced that what he is doing is not acceptable in your eyes. I could be wrong but thats the feel I get for everything you have said so far.

Last edited by BobD (2012-04-25 23:25:48)

Here is the K story from Michael Krohnens book "The Kitchen Chronicles" Enjoy:

K is very simple,” he said, “there is a sense of innocence and trust abouthim. He is open and without suspicion, even towards strangers. I must tell you astory about when I was staying at Mrs. Zimbalist’s house at Malibu some yearsago. In the afternoon, I would take a walk on the beach by the Pacific Ocean.One day, a man whom I had never met before approached and asked me whetherhe might accompany me. I said, ‘All right, come along.’ And together we strolledalong the beach, not saying very much, just looking at the waves and thebeautiful scenery. Then he asked whether we could sit down together for amoment. I said, ‘All right.’ So we sat down on a dead tree trunk, a piece of driftwood. We sat quietly for a while, looking out over the vast blue expanse.Then he asked me if he could hold my hand. So I gave him my hand, and we sat there holding hands for several moments."

The small group of people at the table were quite spellbound by his unusualstory. It had the effect of a thriller on me, with its sense of danger and sexualundertones. At the same time, I was astonished at his naiveté in placing himself in a possibly hazardous situation. But he did not seem to take note of our sense of apprehension and continued, “After we had been sitting there quietly, holdinghands, and looking at the lovely scenery, he asked me if he could give me a kiss.”I involuntarily held my breath.“So I said, ‘All right,’ and he gave me a peck on the cheek.”The sense of suspense intensified as we, his listeners, asked wordlessly,‘What next?’“That’s all,” he concluded, taking everybody in at one glance.Somehow I felt suspended in the thin air of my own imagination. Thrownback upon myself, I quietly marveled at his innocent and guileless openness.Like a child, free of fear and distrust, he seemed to be ready to be everyones friend.

sds wrote:

But I am trying to be loving and kind and not distance myself from him just because of his sexual orientation.

How is this a sexual question even? I would leave the sexual orientation completely out of this sds. Fact is you are being put off by his behaviour and have asked him to stop and he hasn't. It borders on harassment even. Lack of common sense, lack of respect (in that he is not respecting your wishes).

I am of course assuming that you are not interested in a relationship with him and he has picked up on that interest. To be quite frank I am at a loss as to how sexual attention from someone you are ABSOLUTELY NOT attracted to would flatter you, but that's another story altogether.

K could let the guy approach, hold his hand and kiss him on the cheek because, obviously, it did not affect K .
But does this guy affect you?

Only you know.

Edited to add that I just now read comment # 27 by BobD and i entirely subscribe to what he wrote to you. My feelings exactly. You know sds, there *is* no difference in sexes when it comes to attraction and what you are going through is exactly the same we women go through when there's a guy we find attractive but for some reason we need him to back off. Basically, it's useless; we may do anything we want to try and convince him we are not interested: he will pick up on the vibs and nothing else. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

Last edited by Teulada (2012-04-26 10:37:11)

pearl wrote:

To post# 31

No offense, but please don't talk for all women and say things like,"we women", that's absurd.  You're only talking for yourself here.  If you're attracted to someone and need him to back off, it's because you're simply playing it up, or you do not understand your own heart and mind.

Oh, hi Pearl, yes, nice to see you too; how are ya these days etc.

Teulada wrote:

pearl wrote:

To post# 31

No offense, but please don't talk for all women and say things like,"we women", that's absurd.  You're only talking for yourself here.  If you're attracted to someone and need him to back off, it's because you're simply playing it up, or you do not understand your own heart and mind.

Oh, hi Pearl, yes, nice to see you too; how are ya these days etc.

Hi Teulada, wonderful to hear you.  I was under the impression that somehow you did not like to talk to me, but, I always meant well.  Nothing but affection and tenderness for your being.

Thanks for asking.  I'm doing really great and so is my very beautiful son.  It's a wonderful day, and last night before going to bed I was totally inspired and great energy pouring thru the body and being, and I like to share it with everyone I meet, and thru my work.  Just feeling totally blessed to be alive this day, this moment, and talking to you now, here, ofcourse. 
And how are you Teulada and what have you been upto these days if I may ask?  Please do keep contributing, sharing with us here.

This is a good thread. Thank you wonderful participants for your wonderful sharings.

Some came here with good hearts and good minds to share, and it is much appreciated.

I am still pondering and deeply going into K's story with that guy at the beach. That was a powerful story for me to read.

By the way, for those who are wondering, yes post # 36 is me just joking, I did not have any sex with that guy and do not intend to. See the lol there.....

pearl wrote:

Oh, don't ya worry sds, I got it that you were joking and laughed out loud myself, but even if you really did have sex it's ok, it's your thing.  Like I said, you should try.

The funny part Pearl, is we were talking a lot in the hot tub last night and the other guys came as usual. There is like a mens club at 8 pm every night in the hot tub and they are talking about sex, vulgarity, jokes, the days news, etc. But these guys are all married and try to be macho. And here I am talking and sitting with my new friend, who is feminine outwardly.

And then after the pool closed, we talked for awhile outside by his truck. He was sitting on top of it, sitting like a female, with his leg dangling, and I was down below talking to him.

I looked and saw two other guys still there talking by their vehicle. All I could think between the  hot tub and now this, these guys are going to get the wrong idea and think I am gay too.

Funny, how we can create images of others.

I told my friend I hope they dont make this mistake and start rumors there that I am gay.

And by the way, you sound like this guy, he keeps encouraging me too to try. He does not get tired of flirting with me or encouraging me to try

dude, you're bixesual,
seriously, who cares
go on facebook or some other forum and thrash it out there for whatever attention or appoval you need before you can be moved to act

our sexuality is aligned to our spirituality
and you badly need to grow your balls both literally and metaphorically

or in the lingo 'be unto oneself thy own light, forsooth and verily'

RJ wrote:

dude, you're bixesual,
seriously, who cares
go on facebook or some other forum and thrash it out there for whatever attention or appoval you need before you can be moved to act

our sexuality is aligned to our spirituality
and you badly need to grow your balls both literally and metaphorically

or in the lingo 'be unto oneself thy own light, forsooth and verily'

Laughing at the erroneous conclusion you came to, that I am bisexual.

But I agree, I should be on facebook or some other forum thrashing this out, you are right on that.

I really did appreciate the responses though from people like Teulada and Bob D, who took my question seriously. I did read and re-read their replies several times and looked into it.

Be well my friend RJ, and dont be bent out of shape if one wants to parade their sexuality or lack of it on here....

Is there anything from Kitchen Chronicles that might help me decide what to do? I really need some advice.

wilbro99 wrote:

Eden, your next question is one of whether or not to eat that freshly acquired booger.

I think it represents that new taste the Japanese have uncovered:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Umami

I have a story amazingly enough that covers both love and boogers.  In the 5th grade once, when all of us kiddies got let out on the playground, a girl that I had my first true crush on was watching me. (Didn't know she was watching me of course) Anyway...I had a very healthy sized booger that had to come out, and well...all I will say is that she witnessed me "not wasting a perfectly good booger" and what did she do?  She ran around to everyone on the playground screaming that I had just "not wasted" a booger. Alas...my heart was broken for the first time in my life and I was emotionally castigated to nothing but dysfunctional relationships with women for the next 30 or so years of my life.

Please...don't eat the booger eden

Eden wrote:

Is there anything from Kitchen Chronicles that might help me decide what to do? I really need some advice.

Laughing, no I dont think boogers was covered by Michael Krohnen in Kitchen Chronicles. If I do find it somewhere in the K literature, I will be sure to post it for you Eden.